Lord!
Today is the launch of the Nintendo Wii and like every right thinking person on the planet I desperately want one. Also just as the was the case with every other new console launch I was too stupid to pre-order one. Durgh!
Anyway I knew the local John Lewis were getting a few in so a quarter of an hour before the store opened I sauntered into town to be faced with a 50 strong queue giving the N00B look to a few of us joining the line so late. They’d obviously been there for ages and had cultivated a nice chatty camaraderie with each other as as opposed to the oppressive stone cold grimacing silence at the back. Things weren’t looking good.
In the 15 minutes before the doors opened a smallish greasy looking chap turned up holding a Game carrier bag clearly holding a boxed Wii inside. All eyes stared bulging at this guy’s treasure as he ambled smugly up and down the line! It really didn’t go down well and sensing the animosity in the air he quickly retreated to a safe distance and started fiddling with his phone. Clearly not having any friends he must have been playing Tetris. This is he:
fig(i) Wii owning queue baiter
This is the part where I explain how my soul is now forever dark and how I suspect that I’ve in some way triggered the fall of the western world.
9:00am and the doors go up pretty sharp. Everyone walks in file through the store entrance on the 1st floor and videos and games are on the 3rd floor. As we all traipse towards the escalator someone in the middle of the queue breaks into a run. Like a digestive biscuit too long dipped in hot tea the natural British resolve to queue fairly breaks into a million fragments and pandemonium breaks out. The end result is something like that ascent of man picture in reverse with upright Homo Sapiens rapidly declining into an overly excited ape clutching a video games console to his chest.
I found out today that for a fat bloke I can’t half move when I want to.
fig(ii) Hastily chopped but you get the idea
So WHooooomph I’m off on my toes and running with all my might (gaining considerable inertia) and very quickly scaling the escalator two stairs at a time. On the 2nd floor I’m dodging in-between bras and pants with at least 20 others heading for the next escalator. I’m up that too like a rat up a drain pipe. John Lewis staff stand well out of the way clapping, cheering but mostly laughing at the lumbering swarm of geeks none of which look like they enjoy any form of regular exercise.
We’re on the 3rd floor and I’m in the queue for the till where it’s announced they’ve got only 10 consoles ready to sell. A quick head count and I’m 7,8,9,10,11th 
A wave of despair hits me until I realize that two of the people further down the queue look look like a couple. I ask if they are. They are! How many consoles are you buying? Only one 
After a bit of wait while a Scottish girl in front of me bangs on about how disgusting it is that people started running interspersed with force 10 glowering in my direction I get a machine While they’re ringing through my debit card I look to the back of the store and see the guy who had been right at the front only 15 minutes earlier. He’s on crutches.
I pick up the the last Wii sold in Southampton John Lewis and ask myself if I feel good about besting a man who can barely walk in a race to get a children’s video game?
The answer is no.
But do I feel pretty good in general now I’ve got a Wii?
Unfortunately yes.
-1,000,000 Karma points for me then. I’m going to hell but at least it’s via gaming heaven 
